When my kid was born, my whole brain went to one question: how am I going to do this?
It felt like I needed to be with the baby 24/7, take care of my partner, and keep growing the company at the same time. I was losing my mind a little bit.
Somewhere in that fog, the idea for Founding Fathers showed up. Companies have stages. So does being a dad. And I have a lot of friends who are a few stages ahead of me on both.
Stephan is one of them. He started AttackIQ 13 years ago. It's now 200+ people across time zones, and he's the dad of a four-year-old boy and a one-and-a-half-year-old girl. He called the company his first child. Here's what stuck with me from our conversation.
Trade-offs, not sacrifices
Stephan said less sleep was the easy part. The hard part is time. Every second you thought you had for yourself before is gone. Mornings end up being his best time with the kids, and after that the day doesn't really turn off until his head hits the pillow.
He doesn't call it sacrifice. He calls it trade-offs and negotiations. He and his wife Amy assign each other nights for dinner and the kids, and drop-off goes on the calendar just like a meeting.
Before the baby, my schedule was flowy. Now I have to be hyper-communicative about every little detail. Hearing a 13-year founder run his home the same way made me feel a lot less crazy.
Kids pull you out of operator mode
Building a global company made Stephan super organized, maybe too much. Amy will sometimes tell him to tone down the business at home.
But the kids had the opposite effect. They remind him what it's like to be a kid again. You plan to play for five minutes, everybody's having fun, so it turns into 15. There's still routine (bath, dinner, brush your teeth), but inside that, you get to let it flow. He compared it to going camping. It grounds you.
Your kids are a mirror
I told him that holding my baby feels like a mirror. Everything I have inside of me gets reflected back, really clearly.
His answer: it only gets stronger. Your patience will be tested more than in any company you've ever built. When something intense happens, they look at you to see how dad reacts. Do we get mad? Do we stay calm? That's how they learn to react emotionally. The stakes only get higher.
Founders have to draw their own lanes
Everyone in a company has a title and a lane. A founder can break every lane, and that creates chaos. So Stephan's point was that founders have to become really disciplined, because no one sets the boundaries for you.
His system: he's journaled in Obsidian for four or five years. Most mornings he talks through his meetings and priorities out loud with Wispr Flow, and an AI agent helps him land on his top three to five for the day. It's built off him doing the human part first.
He also got more selective about where his energy goes and who he spends time with, because those circles shape his family too. And date night, once a week or every two weeks, is non-negotiable. His words: "it's everything." Your kids are watching how you treat their mom.
Build self-care into the family's day
This one was my favorite. Stephan's gym has daycare, so it's become an extension of the house. Two meetings get canceled? He goes and works out. His son has a ton of energy after school? They go run it off at the pool.
He also got a front bike seat and does a 12-mile loop around Lady Bird Lake with one of the kids. He's doing all the work, and they get the best view in town.
I told him that's the podcast. It really is.
If you're a founder thinking about becoming a dad
Number one: the right partner. Same as in business. Having kids with the right partner is everything.
Stephan said a kid isn't like a company where you drive toward a goal. It's more like being the leader at a Series B or C company, where your job is to enable. You're guiding them toward who they already are. Show them music, introduce them to different careers, and watch for what they're naturally good at.
And take care of yourself so you actually have the energy to show up for them.
If you're a dad thinking about starting a company
He was honest: it's harder. Being a successful father is showing up. Presence. A company comes with no guarantee, so be ready for some failure and the resiliency it takes. His advice anyway? Go for it.
Money is usually the thing that puts the most stress on your family, so shorten your path to capital, whether that's revenue or investment, depending on the business. Treat investors like business partners. Have the conversation with your partner and put a time period on it. Don't make it a garage project. Find your design partners and ideal customer profile, and get that first check in, even in beta.
And want to build the thing. If you're only in it to walk away with millions, it's going to be hard. Stephan's been at it for 13 years.
What I'm taking with me
I walked in thinking the answer to "how do I do this" was a better system. Some of it is. But most of what Stephan shared came back to presence: picking the right people, protecting the time that matters, and letting your kids remind you to play.
If you're a founder who's also a dad, or about to be, HMU. I'd love to hear what stage you're in.